I hope mine doesn't look like that
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
