does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
