He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
