I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
