rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
whose ass print is on the piano?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
