She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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