True but thats because hes a fetus.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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