i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
