I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
