if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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