He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
