Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.

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(936): View more from Texas

Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.

(1-936): View more from Texas

Can I eat your pillow?

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(514): View more from Quebec

He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

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(207): View more from Maine

I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.

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(806): View more from Texas

We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.

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(516): View more from New York

I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

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(614): View more from Ohio

You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"

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(585): View more from New York

Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern

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