all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
