I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
