If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
