I wish life had little blips of pornography
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize