all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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