i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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