There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
