i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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