You can't motorboat a personality
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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