My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
