Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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