My sheets look like a crime scene.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
