So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
