your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
