hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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