His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
