Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize