He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
