M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
