just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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