I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
