The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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