You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Randomize
