Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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