i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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