Clothes are such an inconvenience.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
