I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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