Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
