DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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