It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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