We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't deserve a penis
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
