dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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