My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Girls should come with a carfax report
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
