cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
