dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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