Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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