A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
