She's JV to your varsity
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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