I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
