Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
