im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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