okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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