"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
