i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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