The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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