i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
