maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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